This topic has popped up from time to time over the years on the web, and it never fails to make me laugh. The posts fall under the hashtag “explain a film plot badly.” I think we have covered this before, but it is always worth a revisit. Here are but a few gems I found posted online.
The Matrix-A group of friends decide to spend less time online. Twilight-Old man obsessively stalks teenage girl. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer-Bullied kid with birth defect proves people are only nice when they need something. Titanic-Everyone tries the Ice Bucket Challenge.
The Shining-Family’s first Airbnb experience goes very wrong. Snow White-A guy in the forest kisses a dead body while seven other guys watch. The Revenant-Leonardo DiCaprio wanders a frozen wasteland in search of an Oscar. Home Alone II-Donald Trump is a human being for 3 seconds.
Every Adam Sandler movie-Man Child learns to be an adult. Return of the Jedi-Deadbeat Dad reunites with long lost son, wants him to take over the family business. The Martian-Billions of dollars in subsidies for a potato farmer. Speed-Public transportation running ahead of schedule for once.
Nightmare on Elm Street-A wise-cracking boiler technician teaches high school students to believe in their dreams. Les Miserables-Everyone dies. Taken-A dad has to go pick up his daughter. Spiderman-A young man forcibly binds other men and photographs them for money.
Aladdin-A beautiful princess gets catfished. Fight Club-A group of people start a club that they can’t talk about. Pulp Fiction-A conversation about hamburgers leads to violence. Willy Wonka-An old man pretends to be bedridden for years until he gets a
chance of some free chocolate.
2012-A movie about how the earth will end nine years ago. The Fast and the Furious franchise-A bald guy teams up with another bald guy to fight another bald guy. Captain America-Guy on drugs wins the war by throwing a frisbee. Inception-An hour and a half of watching people sleep.
Ratatouille-An idiot and a mouse violate eight health code regulations. Jurassic Park-A startup company learns the importance of a proper IT budget. Avengers Infinity War saga-Single father tries to end world hunger with his rock collection. Cinderella-Old woman tells girl that it’s what is on the inside that counts…then changes her outsides.
Alice in Wonderland-An impulsive girl discovers a magical land where she is an annoyance to everyone she meets. The Wizard of Oz-American invades foreign land, kills local leadership, then struggles to find an exit strategy. The Little Mermaid-Half fish, half woman sells vocal chords to kiss random bloke. Gremlins-Man buys singing rabbit from old man, rabbit gets wet and breeds lizards, lizards destroy town.
There were so many for “The Hunger Games” that I couldn’t pick just one Republicans focus their budget on entertainment rather than agriculture. Woman learns not to hate the players and only to hate the game. Older sister ruins younger sister’s chance to be on television.
That’s enough for today-my sides are splitting. Have a great weekend, Gentle Reader, and remember, when driving, slower traffic belongs in the right-hand lane. See you at the movies!
