(EDITOR’S NOTE: As Robert Roe was unable to submit a column, we are rerunning one of his previous columns. Enjoy!)

Any alien who has the misfortune of landing on planet Earth as part of a reconnaissance team is in for an unpleasant surprise. From lynch mobs to peasant mobs to flash mobs, it seems the only way we humans greet a visiting intergalactic species is with abject fear and a show of force.

At least, that is what I’m learning from 1950’s B-movies. Life is not all ALF, Mork, and the guys at “Third Rock From The Sun.” When it comes to aliens, as far as humans are concerned, if you hail from outer space, you apparently are here to take all of our women, take all of our men, or take all of our resources. Good luck with that – with folks gender-identifying as he, she, xi, it, and they, it’s a roll of the dice for any poor ET tasked with that mission. And as for Earth’s resources, we’ve been told for years by our betters that humans have stripped the earth bare, so the Mother Ship might as well keep moving – there’s nothing to see here.

Aliens could still abduct some of us for their patented, world famous Probes. Just as long as they don’t examine our brains. Between Television and Social Media, a scan of mankind’s think box would probably reveal a soft mush. Like tapioca. Or Cream of Wheat.

Put yourself in an off-world visitor’s seven-toed shoes. You land on Earth, expecting to meet either a civilization eager to interact and learn, or a culture steeped in fear and isolation. This is where the path diverges. If the ETs meet Group One, they will end up having a nice chat with Ellen. If they bump into Group Two first, they end up joining a round table discussion on MSNBC as part of “Morning Joe.”

From the television studio, our alien guests would be whisked off to Washington D.C., where they would find a group of people more alienated (see what I did there?) from normal human behavior as the E.T.s themselves. Seriously. If invading Pod People take over the likeness of our political class and act goofy, how would we know? Quick test for you Earthlings: has anyone ever witnessed Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez mimic normal behavior? After all, just last month she came to the conclusion that Albert Einstein didn’t kill himself (she was grasping for Jeffrey Epstein, in case you were wondering).

And do we seriously think an alien civilization would share with us their technology for faster-than-light drive? We’ve polluted what little off-world space we’ve explored with satellite debris. Imagine how planetary property prices would plummet once off-worlders learned the humans were moving into the star system.

Come to think of it, perhaps homo sapiens are better off right where we are. After all, we are the species who brought Simon Cowell, the cast of “The View” and Boston Rob into the public eye. Who in good conscience would do that to another race? We have met the enemy, and they are our television producers.