The Washington Post sure stepped in it this time. When early last week the head of the Islamic State, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, died during a military raid, the Post ran the story. As opposed to the roar of a grateful nation Barack Obama received when he dispatched Osama Bin Laden, however, the al-Baghdadi operation was treated with a more tepid response.
The Post, no kidding, published the following headline in connection the terrorist leader’s obit: “Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, austere religious scholar at the helm of Islamic State, dies at 48.”
The resulting uproar could be seen for miles before it hit the Internet. Using some of the Post’s newly found gift for understatement, the online community did not disappoint in offering their own suggestions for headlines of infamous deaths, all with the hashtag #WaPoDeathNotices. Here’s a sample of the WaPo style of headline construction, with guest columnists the American People:
“Retired Army General Mogambo, an electronics buff, who spent his life seeking happiness, dies in mysterious blast.”
“Jeffrey Epstein, admirer and caretaker of young girls, dead at age 66, after coming down with a sore throat.”
“Osama bin Laden, father of 23, killed in home invasion.”
“Voldemort, embattled Death Eaters’ rights activist, murdered by teenage boy.”
“Cruella de Vil, animal rights activist, socialite and lover of fine furs, died in car crash.”
“BREAKING: London authorities believe that the remains of ‘Jack the Ripper’ have been discovered. This 19th century vigilante is best remembered for his relentless anti-corruption crusades and his masterful surgical skills. More details to follow.”
“Adolph Hitler, noted author and amateur painter, 56, found dead in his basement.”
“John Wilkes Booth, celebrated actor and political activist, dead at 27.”
“Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow, wealth re-distributors in the banking sector, died today from extreme air conditioning.”
“Gaius Julius Caesar, 56, noted author and Egyptologist, dies surrounded by his friends.”
“Thanos, noted rare gem collector and humanitarian, murdered during home invasion.”
“The Wicked Witch of the West, Local flying enthusiast, perishes in water accident.”
“Charles Manson, leader of youth empowerment movement and musical superfan, dies at 83.”
“Transgender pioneer, hotelier, and devoted son, Norman Bates, dies after devoting his golden years to solitary contemplation.”
“Darth Vader, disabled single father of two, passes away.”
“Hannibal Lecter, well-known forensic psychiatrist and food connoisseur dead at 81.”
“Hans Gruber, German businessman and trader of bearer bonds, dies at 40.”
“Saddam Hussein, oil tycoon and ‘Unifier of the Euphrates’, dead at 69.”
“Walter White, devoted science teacher, family man, and entrepreneur, dies at 52.”
And, finally, “Acclaimed newspaper Washington Post dies Sunday, October 27th, 2019 from an overdose of printing BS.” #WaPoDeathNotices
As a response to the Trump Administration’s constant charges of “fake news” leveled at the major media, WaPo took up the mantle, “Democracy Dies In Darkness.” Not only do they publish a terrorist’s death under “Obituaries,” they mislead their readers with the false narrative that this animal was something akin to a diplomatic religious leader. Democracy might die in darkness, but so does the truth when perverted by political ideologues.
