It was starting to worry me that I had not heard of any dire predictions for Earth’s demise in quite a while. Thankfully, courtesy of the London Daily Mirror and reporter Kirsty Card, that hole in my soul has been filled from, of all places, TikTok.

According to the report, a TikToker with the handle @realtiktoktimetraveller claims to be (duh) a time traveler from the year 2236. This poster, armed with knowledge from the future, says Europe will be struck by a “deadly meteor” this fall. You know, Deadly Meteor would be a pretty cool-sounding band name, wouldn’t it? Unless, of course, the prediction comes to pass, in which case it would just be tasteless. Anyway…

Before devastation and destruction decimate our friends across the pond, there is some good news on the horizon. We will finally make contact with aliens this summer! I wonder where they will land first. Probably Disney. Everyone wants to go to Disney. And, since this will be First Contact, it only follows that other alien races will want to visit.

That means we should start shuttling travel brochures to the International Stace Station. The ISS can be like Earth’s Welcome Center. Oh, and since gazillionaires, Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos are basically developing space taxis, our newfound alien friends can thumb a ride with them to buzz around town without the high cost of space fuel. Unless, of course, the cosmos is having the same issues that we are experiencing at the pump.

Back to @realtiktoktimetraveller for a moment. They also predict a hacker will lock down millions of TikTok users’ accounts over the summer. Why? Because the hacker has strong beliefs against social media. Sure, they are preaching to the choir, but that’s no reason to shut it down. Just…ummm…what is the phrase…it was on the tip of my tongue…oh, yeah. Don’t use it.

Don’t believe in time-traveling fortune tellers? Wait. The poster is not really predicting the future, they’re just telling us what will happen since he already knows the outcome. Which sounds suspiciously similar to the movie plot of “The Sting.” However, if you want to break out the scorecard and play along, the aliens, who go by the name “Arzax,” will land on the south side of Alaska on July 7th. The hacker, whose handle is “Stak,” will decimate TikTok on August 13th. And finally, the meteor, called “Dracnoid,” will hit Europe on October 12th.

Thousands of TikTok users have read the time traveler’s posts, and reviews are mixed. Some believe the prognostications are true, while others want further proof, such as this week’s winning lottery numbers.

Do you want further proof of the traveler’s veracity? He has this ironclad rebuttal: “Many people still don’t believe me. I am a real-time traveler from the year 2236 and I have come to this date and time to warn you about the upcoming events this year.” I’m sold. The time traveler seems trustworthy to me. What other evidence do you need, you doubters?