People are so clever. Yeah, splitting the atom and all that stuff is nice. But what other species on Earth can create cool names for their different competitive teams?

Take a hike, animal kingdom. When it comes to fun titles for after work activities, Homo Sapiens top the list. You never see actual dogs playing poker, despite what that painting may lead you to think. Or giraffes going to the bowling alley for long neck Tuesday.

Humans, on the other hand, have never found a person, place or thing they do not want to name. And name, they do.

Monday Quiz Night is a prime example. For every lame “Quizmasters” team, there are the “Quizards of Oz,” “Mount Cleverest,” “Les Quizerables” and “Agatha Quiztie.” “I am Smarticus” and “Our Drinking Team Has A Trivia Problem.”

You could play against “John Trivialta,” “Otrivia Newton John,”

“QuizTeama Aguilera” or “E = MC Hammer.” Then there are “The Brewsual Suspects,” with “The Spanish In-quiz-ition” and “A win for us will come down to a coin flip” close behind. But “My Trivia Partner Doesn’t Know This Is a Date” takes the top prize.

Sports! We all love ’em. But the names of professional sports teams are, to be honest, boring. And that is where the amateurs come in. Washington Football Team, bow in shame before “Living on a Spare,” “Soccer Goal Diggers,” “Your Pace or Mine,” “Team Redundant Team” and, naturally, “No Punt Intended.”

Not to mention the “Sons of Pitches,” “Don’t Stop Ballieving” and “Between a Walk and a Hard Place.”

I am no stranger to the wink, wink, nod, nod when it comes to the pun. I mean, my Bride and I adopted a Shih Tsu as our first baby, and we proudly named him Skid Roe. Any subsequent babies would have been named Corn Roe, Hedge Roe and Cannery Roe.

You might be tempted to think that our workers in the mathematical arts would be a dry, unfunny bunch. Guess again. Competitive appellations for this bunch include “Accountaholics,” “Business As Unusual,” “Let’s Get Fiscal” and “Down for the Account.”

Back to Game Night, who would dare go against “Creative Juices,” “Blood Bath and Beyond,” “Let’s Get Trivial,” “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? Because We Brought One,” “I Thought This Was Speed Dating,” and “I Read About the Evils of Drinking, So I Gave Up Reading.”

I thought I would wrap up with a few of my favorites, like “Team Redundancy Team,” “We’d Rather Be on Cash Cab” and “The Three Must Get Beers.” But just like Lays Potato Chips, who can stop at just one – or, in this case, a lot? There are the “Smarty Pints,” “Risky Quizness,” “The Next Team are Cheating” and “E For Idiots.”

Finally, try out “Never Gonna Quiz You Up,” “I got 99 problems and this quiz is one,” “In Dog Beers, We’ve Only Had One” and my personal favorite, “Google.”

Who cares about whatever contest is being played? In my opinion, teams with names such as these were winners before they even sat down.