The song is wrong. There ARE some mountains too high, some valleys ARE too low. But worry not, Sisyphus, you don’t have to roll a boulder up a hill to take part in Green Dot Maysville’s 0.5K Run during Pickers and Grinners Saturday, June 16th at 3pm on McDonald Parkway downtown. That’s right, Chairborne Ranger, the 0.5K is a race for the rest of us. Hard bodies and Lard Bodies alike are invited to take part in this grueling test of the will of humankind, facing 547.8 yards of level pavement at a pace of your choosing. Inhumane? Perish the thought! A refreshment station will be placed at the 250-yard mark of the course for worthy competitors to refresh themselves. And a medic station will be erected in case valiant warriors succumb to the vicissitudes of the trial that awaits them. So, tell me, noble athletes and mathletes – do you have what it takes to conquer this course? Try it. I dare you.
Sign up is as easy as putting your left foot in front of your right. Pre-register by June 8th for the paltry sum of $20, and you are guaranteed an event t-shirt, suitable for framing. Race day registration is $25, and a t-shirt is not guaranteed.
Since children are short and must run twice as hard to go half as far, I proposed doubling the entry fee for the little tykes. My notion got roundly rejected, so children under the age of 8 can participate for free (all minors must be accompanied by an adult, and only paid entries receive t-shirts).
In keeping with our meritocracy culture, all competitors will be awarded a medal to rub into the faces of those sad few who do not make the cut. Prizes will also be given for the best costume and the largest team. But, wait – there’s more!
The Green Dot Maysville 0.5K is a prestigious event. So much so, that if you think you deserve an award without even competing, we have a category for you! For less than it costs to buy something for $31, you can bask in the glory without basting in the sun. For a mere $30 you will be driven to the finish line, and still receive the accoutrements of victory without the muscle ache of exertion.
Whether your God Bod is Adonis or Buddha, this event is for you. A link to sign up is available at soft96.com. What are you waiting for – sign up now!
Where does the money go, you may ask? Proceeds benefit Green Dot Maysville, the initiative to make our community the first Green Dot city in the nation – a city where we are trained to take care of those around us, and make it known that violence will not be tolerated here.
Remember the date, remember the time, and most importantly, remember the money! The Green Dot 0.5K Run, Saturday, June 16 at 3pm on McDonald Parkway during Pickers and Grinners. For details contact Christy Burch at [email protected] And keep an eye out for more Green Dot Bystander Training classes, coming soon!